


Can't you feel my heart?

by v_i_x



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Drama, Eventual Romance, M/M, Moral Lessons, Multi, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-04-04 13:28:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14021253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/v_i_x/pseuds/v_i_x
Summary: After No Mercy, Lim Changkyun's life was never the same again.





	1. Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is my first fanfiction on this site. I fell in love reading everyone else's work so I thought I should write one as well. I really love angst so prepare for a lot of that. I'm not sure where I'm going with this story it just came to me. Enjoy!

Lim Changkyun was sick, but he would be damned if he let his hyungs know of that precious information. It was bad enough that he had to walk on egg shells around them thanks to No Mercy. After that brutal t.v show Changkyun’s life was never the same and it was for worse. No one wanted to be around him. They all hated his guts and for good reason. If Changkyun was in their shoes, then he would most definitely hate himself too, but it was still painful.

He hated how isolated he felt. It reminds him of the time when he was in Boston and was shunned from his peers because of his terrible acne and his lack of knowledge about the English language. Sighing, Changkyun carefully finished the dance move making sure to not trip into one of his members. He had already managed to accidently graze Wonho and let’s just say that the older guy wasn’t at pleased. If it weren’t for Hyunwoo for interfering and calming down his second in command, then Changkyun was sure he was going to get furiously cussed out. 

He was happy when their leader announced their short break and Changkyun immediately sank down to the ground. He leaned against the wall because he felt his headache getting worse and on top of that his fever was rising. He took steady breathes as he willed himself to drown down some water but when the liquid touched his throat it only stung even more.

Changkyun winced unaware that a couple of people were looking at him. When he noticed he was then met with the judging eyes of Hyungwon and Kihyun who slightly scoffed at him. Changkyun didn’t need to be a mind reader to know what those two were thinking and when they spoke he sighed again at how right his suspicions were.  
“Why are you acting like your so damn tired when all you did was move around like a pathetic octopus?” remarked Hyungwon distastefully gathering the rest of the members attention.

Changkyun tried his best not to shake under their harsh glares but he felt his defensive wall crumbling. His instinct was urging him to get up and flee from this place. It was obvious that an argument was going to happen, and he wasn’t going to win.

“I’m sorry, hyung” he coughed. “I will try to dance better next time” 

At this Kihyun chuckled menacingly at this and that’s when Changkyun realized his mistake. No amount of apologizing would fix this. In fact, it only made this situation much worse. 

“You can’t dance worth of shit anyway and I’m tired of picking up your slack. It’s not fair to the rest of us. I honestly don’t know why they debuted your ass when it’s clear to see you have two left feet!” 

Kihyun had exploded. Lately he was always doing that to Changkyun. He was one of the main ones pointing out his flaws and criticizing him over every little thing. Changkyun was sure that Minhyuk had hated him the most but now he’s wondering if it’s the petite size vocal instead.

“I’m sorry” Changkyun muttered with tears burning the back of his eyelids. He was tired of feeling this way. Like he was the biggest shit on this planet earth. It was not a good combination with him being sick and all. Changkyun tried to hide his sniffling nose but in the end was no use because snot started to drip from it.

“Aww look the little cry baby is crying now” laughed Hyungwon darkly.

Beside him, Kihyun joined him in his laughter and all Changkyun wanted to do was just disappear. The rest of his members just watched the scene with unreadable eyes, but it was clear to see that they weren’t going to interfere. Deep down Changkyun knew that they agreed with Hyungwon and Kihyun. 

He shouldn’t have debuted. He stole the spot from their friends who were far more deserving than he was. He felt so bad about it that there were times would he would wake up screaming from a nightmare about it. 

“Let’s just get back to practice” Hyunwoo said breaking up another session of ‘Let’s make Changkyun cry’. 

For months he has been bullied by his members and he honestly doesn’t know of how much he can take of it. He wants to confide to their manager about it, but it will only create more trouble in the long run. So Changkyun has no other choice but endure this torture. He struggles to lift himself up from the floor and that when he discovers how bad his sickness really is. Black dots greeted his vision as his head felt completely light.

For a moment, he was convinced he was going to faint until the loud voice of Minhyuk interrupted his thoughts.

“Come slow poke because of you we wasted about ten minutes of practice”

Changkyun grunts heavily as he leaned against the wall for support. He was thinking that there was no way he could continue to practice in this condition. He was going to definitely faint and he certainly did not want to do it in front of the others. 

But Changkyun fought through the pain and discomfort. He made it thought practice without another slip up and was proud. But his happiness quickly dimmed when Jooheon had roughly shoved him on the way to the van. He fell to the ground landing awkwardly on his ankle. Changkyun bit back a cry of pain. 

He didn’t break his ankle, but he definitely sprained it. It was already red and starting to swell up. He limped the rest of the way to the van ignoring the looks his members threw his way. He didn’t bother to hide his injury because what was the point anyway? His limping obviously gave away that something was wrong.

He sat in front of the van with the manager because he was afraid of being around the others. After Jooheon had hurt him he couldn’t bring himself to trust them anymore. In the past they had only hurt him mentally, but this was the first time that something physical had happened. 

“I.M-ssi are you okay?” came his manager’s worried voice but he quickly nodded his head yes. 

There was a stretch of silence before the van started up and the vehicle propelled them down the busy streets of Seoul. Changkyun leaned his head against the window hoping to conceal his tears from the others. The pain in his ankle was becoming unbearable and it was taking every fiber in his body to not yell out.

When they reached the dorm, his heart fell to his stomach. Now came the grueling task of getting out of the van and walking his way up the flight of stairs to his bunk. He then wondered what he did in his life to deserve this punishment. Changkyun bit his lip and quickly opened the passenger side door. He ignored at how the others rapidly left him to escape to the dorm. Of course, he was the only one remaining.

“Why are you limping?” asked his manager as he watched the younger boy try to walk. He helped him when Changkyun almost fell.

“I think I hurt my ankle hyung” said Changkyun sadly because now his injury will cause problems with the group’s schedules. It was bad enough that he was sick too but an injury like this was definitely going to put him behind. 

“How?” His sudden question caused Changkyun to freeze right on the spot. 

His mind then raced as he tried to formulate a good excuse of how this happened. 

“Um…” he trailed not wanting to reveal the truth because one) as much as Jooheon probably hate his guts Changkyun couldn’t find it in him to snitch on the elder. And two) if he revealed what happened then the starship team would only baby him even more and that will make him look even more weak.

So Changkyun decided to keep quiet about the situation hoping it would just go away. He ignored his manager as he continues to probe him with more questions. He was thankful when they finally reached the landing to their dorm. As Changkyun was about to go inside his manager stopped him by pulling his arm. It was a good thing that he only touched his shirt and not his skin because if he did then he would realize how hot he was. 

“You know you can trust me, right?” he asked looking right into Changkyun’s eyes with a comforting look. It was a look that his parents use to give to him when he was younger. 

“I don’t know what you mean” said Changkyun not liking where this conversation was heading at. He just wanted to escape to his bunk where he could hopefully sleep off this wretched fever and sickness.

“If the other boys are not treating you right then please let me know. Starship Entertainment does not tolerate bullying whatsoever.”

Changkyun almost burst out laughing at that comment because at how ridiculous it was. That fact that they were even having this conversation confirms one thing and that was that they knew. The manager knew Jooheon had tripped him. Just like he knew on previous occasions of how the boys would tease him. They all knew of the way he was being treated but they wouldn’t do anything. No not until something drastic really happens. That’s when they will be forced to act.

It was unfair and Changkyun wanted nothing more but to yell that out to them. But like always he kept his mouth shut and faked a cheery smile.

“There’s no need to worry no one is bullying me hyung” Changkyun sickeningly reassured his manager. 

“That’s a relief!” the adult said but not for all the right reasons. Resisting an urge to roll his eyes, Changkyun bid his manager goodbye and limped inside the door. When he closed the door, he wasn’t expecting to be faced with Kihyun who crossed his arms at him.

“What the hell were you two talking about?” he shouted at Changkyun who quickly tried to go around him. But Kihyun had other plans and slammed Changkyun against the wall to corner him. The other boy let out a sharp yell when his shoulders roughly hit the wall. He started to tremble under Kihyun’s fierce gaze. 

“What’s going on?” Hoseok had come out to check what the commotion was all about. This was what Changkyun did not really need. It wouldn’t matter what he said Hoseok will always have Kihyun’s back. So Changkyun just stood there trembling praying that this fight would be quick. 

“This lil snitch was ratting us out to the manager!” answered Kihyun sinking his nails into Changkyun collar blade who yelped. 

“Is that so?” Hoseok raised an eyebrow at Changkyun who gulped fearfully. He needed to get out of here fast. His ankle was throbbing painfully and so was his head that was determined to make him faint. 

“Please…I-I’m sorry” whispered Changkyun with tears overflowing his eyes.

“You should have thought of that before you ratted us out. Do you know how hard I had to train to become an idol? I trained years to get where I’m at today and now it’s all going to be taken away from me because of you” shouted Kihyun and he did something that surprised both boys. He punched Changkyun square in his jaw. 

“Shit wait Kihyun” came Hoseok’s panicked voice. He was trying to hold back Kihyun who was delivering blow after blow at Changkyun. He screamed bloody murder wishing that this torture would stop. Changkyun was certain that he lost a couple of teeth and his mouth was coated with blood. He wanted to vomit. 

“What’s going on?” said Hyunwoo rushing over to them along with the other boys. It then grew silent except for Changkyun who continued to weep profusely. He couldn’t take this pain anymore. He wanted it all to end. He attempted to crawl away from him but Hyunwoo stopped him. That’s when Changkyun finally snapped.

“Stop get off of me! Please stop hurting me. Just fucking stop okay I promise I’ll be good. Just please let me go…just let me go…I…”

“Yah Changkyun” said Hyunwoo letting go of the trembling boy who cried and continued to crawl away. The boys let him go reflecting on what just happened. Meanwhile, Changkyun had managed to crawl himself into the bathroom and closed the door. With shaky palms, he locked it leaning against it. 

He sat there wiping his bloody mouth feeling a bruise starting to form. He must admit that Kihyun sure punches harder than he looks. 

“I’m so pathetic” Changkyun spoke to himself sniffling. He had finally stop crying because he was close to fainting. But he wanted to be out for good and not wake up again. He needed to find something in this bathroom that would do just that. He got to work and started rummaging through the cabinets when his eyes landed on a bottle of pills. They were pills that Minhyuk would sometimes use to ease his headaches. Ironically, Changkyun has one right now but he was going to take more than one pill.

He was going to drown the whole bottle. He immediately swallowed all of them dry wincing at the chalky taste. When he was done he smiled drunkenly content at what he did. He didn’t care that he was going to die because he was ready. He just hoped that his next life would be a lot better than this one.

He then thought about his parents who were in Boston. Changkyun knew that he had to call them to let them know that their only son would be permanently leaving them. He at least owed them that. He fished his phone out of his pockets noticing how his movements were starting to slow. He knew the medicine was starting to kick in and his time was running out. 

His mother answered on the second ring.

“My sweet little baby, Changkyun! It’s so nice to hear from you again” greeted his mom with her cheerful loving voice that always manage to put a smile on Changkyun’s face. He started crying because this was the last time he was going to hear her sweet voice.

“Aww baby what’s wrong?” 

“I’m dying. I just swallowed a bottle of pills and I wanted to call you to let you know that I love you and Dad. I’m sorry I let you both down, but I couldn’t do this anymore. I can’t endure this horrible life anymore. I’m sorry” Changkyun finished hearing his precious mother wailing hysterically in the background. He couldn’t bring himself to continue on speaking so Changkyun ended the call.

And as he did his eyes started to close to. But before he slipped into the darkness of death he told himself one last thing.

“Goodbye Changkyun and may your next life treat you well”


	2. Destroyer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who reviewed and read my story. It really brings a smile to my face to know that other people out here enjoy what I write.

For a while, Changkyun was just floating in silence. All his troubles seemed nonexistent as he felt his body slowly drift into peacefulness. He couldn’t truly explain the exact feeling he was sensing now but whatever it was he wanted to feel it forever. But he knew good things had to come to an end and was prepared when he suddenly felt his body drop fast. He quickly opened his eyes wondering what the heck was going on. He was surprise to find himself falling through the air at the speed faster than light.

He let out a loud grunt when he met the light surface of the ground. He was amazed that he didn’t feel any pain considering that he just fell hundreds of feet from the air. When Changkyun finally stands he is met with a feeling of happiness. He doesn’t know why thought because in the back of his mind there was this thought that was saying that he shouldn’t be happy. That something major had happened to him. 

But he brushes it aside as he silently surveys the area he was in. It was absolutely beautiful here! The sky was bright with white and puffy clouds and the air was filled with the sweet smell of flowers. Birds chirped heavenly as they bounced from cloud to cloud. Changkyun smiles because this was truly a sight to see. He is so caught up in his sight seeing that he almost doesn’t notice a person sneaking up on him. It is only when he is inches away when Changkyun notices a presence and when he does he freaks the hell out.

“Aaaaaaah!” he let out a not so manly yell and jumped several feet up in the air. He ignores at how the person just laughs at him as he tried to compose himself. But it was too late. The damage was already done and was pride was slowly slipping away.

“Who are you?” 

Standing before him was a younger guy. He looked a few years younger than Changkyun with his slightly chubby cheeks and brown wavy short hair that fell blocking his comforting brown eyes. Changkyun grew up as an only child but for some reason he felt protective over the other guy like he was his little brother. 

“My name is Lee Sejun and it’s nice to meet you, Changkyun” he said bringing his hand out for the other boy to shake but Changkyun froze at the nice motion. Why? Because this stranger had addressed him by his actual name and he didn’t even give it to him in the first place.

“How did you know my name?” Changkyun’s breathes came out in sharp waves and he had to calm down before he had a mini panic attack. 

“I know a lot of things about you. For starters I know that your scared right now which is understandable, but you need to calm down. I also know that for the last few years that you have been working your ass off only to be shitted on it the end. And I also know that you fought to the very end of your life…” Sejun trailed mysteriously and that’s when Changkyun noticed something quite eerie. He was scared as hell right now, but he couldn’t hear the loud thump of his heart beating in his ears. In fact, he couldn’t hear or feel his heart at all.

“Am I-I-I d-dead?” he asked quietly hoping that Sejun wouldn’t hear his voice to answer his question. But it was if the other had super hearing and answered him in a sad voice.

“Yes, Changkyun your suicide was successful” 

Changkyun couldn’t help but to cry out in pain and fall to the ground. His breathing was becoming shallower and he didn’t know what to do. He then felt a hand touch his hair, the fingers lightly massaging his scalp. For a moment, Changkyun’s tears stopped as he just focused on those long and slender fingers. The way they touched him reminded him of his mother. When he was younger she would massage his scalp to calm him down and it worked.

Just like now.

“Am I in heaven then?” his voice was small with uncertainty. 

“No this is a realm between heaven and hell. It’s called the ‘Brim’. It’s a place where all the lost souls go to. The reason they come here is because they can’t enter heaven or hell because they have something holding them back. Something tying them back to the human world”

“But I don’t have anything that I left” Changkyun said confused at what Sejun was trying to get at. 

“You committed suicide Changkyun. It’s common for suicide victims to come here because they always have un finished business. What is yours?” he asked Changkyun seriously and that caused the other boy to go deep into thought. 

He thought back to the time when he ended his life. He focused on what he was thinking besides feeling utterly sorry for himself. He then realized what it was that he really wanted. It was clear that he wanted love and affection from his members, but they never gave it to him. Or bothered to offered it. 

“I want an apology” said Changkyun.

“For what?” Sejun’s expression was unreadable as he turned to stare at him. 

“I want an apology at how they all been treating me. What they did to me was cruel and although I understand why it still hurts to know that they all treated me like shit for something that was out of my control” he breathes out heavily with a sob catching his throat.

But Changkyun refused to cry now. He was done with that. He was finally done with feeling sorry for himself. What happened in the past was unchangeable. Now all he can focus on was changing his future. 

“You only have ten days to remain in the ‘Brim’ before your soul completely disappears. If you have not found the thing that is holding you back in the human world then you will disappear forever”

“So, for me to officially move on I need to get an apology from each of my members?” questioned Changkyun sighing. Because if that were the case then he was going to be screwed. His members were known to have big egos. They never like to admit their wrongs and there was no way in hell that they will Changkyun an apology even though it was long overdue. 

“What’s wrong?” Sejun asked noticing Changkyun’s saddened expression. 

“They’re never going to apologize and even if they do it’s going to take more than ten days” said Changkyun biting back a tiny sob.

“I’m sorry but that’s all the time you have”

“Fine” Changkyun surrender to the plan. He didn’t like the idea of disappearing forever, but he has got to try.

“There’s one more thing I have to tell you” announced Sejun shyly. 

“What?” asked Changkyun growing apprehensive because he knew that the information was not going to be good.

“Your members can’t issue you a fake apology. It must be real and sincere. The only way you can tell that they do apologize to you for real is when they feel your heart beat”

“But how can I know if they can feel it?”

“You know it by asking them and for a moment you will feel your own heartbeat. After you feel your heartbeat for six times then you will be granted access into heaven” 

“No” Changkyun said suddenly. “I don’t want to go into heaven. I want to be reborn into another life, one that is much better than my previous one”   
“Fine that can be arranged” said Sejun and Changkyun truly appreciated it. 

Now he was being presented with the tough task of getting his members to apologize to him. He honestly didn’t know where to start with that. He highly doubted that they were even affected by his death at all but instead rejoicing. 

“I need to take you back to the human world, so I can show you what happened. But first I need to start at the night you’ve died” muttered Sejun and he took Changkyun’s hand giving him a sad smile. Without any warning, the two then vanished into a portal that led them to Seoul, South Korea. They landed into a busy hospital room. Changkyun was confused as the loud noises of doctors and nurses met his ear drums.

“Why are we here?” he wondered aloud and Sejun pointed at the hospital bed where a body lifelessly laid. Slowly, Changkyun moved his eyes to the person and almost choked own his own saliva when he saw that the person was him. Attached to his body were a bunch of i.vs and other cords.

“The boys found your body in the bathroom after two hours but by then it was too late. You were already dead. But they rushed you to the hospital anyway because they still believed that they could save you but as you can see it was no use” explained Sejun sadly and Changkyun wanted to cry again. 

He watched as the doctors and nurses pronounce his time of death and put a white sheet over his body. They then followed a doctor as he exited the room to go to the lobby of the hospital. He called out for Changkyun’s family members, but it was only his band members and manager that answered him. 

He told them that he and his team did everything in their power to save Changkyun. At this his manger cried out as his members just stared blankly. None of them even bothered to shred a tear just pretended to look hurt and sad by the news. 

Changkyun then became angry because he couldn’t believe that the bastards had the nerve to not sincerely look sad. He gripped Sejun’s hand even tighter as he glared lasers into them. He was so mad that he was sure he could hear his blood boiling in his ears. Before he could even fathom what quite happened, the lights in the room started to flicker uncontrollably. Everyone in the lobby began to freak out by yelling.

“Changkyun, calm down” said Sejun pulling the boy closer to him. But Changkyun wasn’t listening. He was too focus on his members that now stared with fear in their eyes. He wanted to hurt them like they hurt him. He remembers before he died that Jooheon had tripped him causing him to sprain his ankle badly.  
He wanted to return the favor.

“Changkyun no!” shouted Sejun trying to hold onto him tighter but Changkyun roughly pushed him away. He saw red and he wanted revenge. He stormed up to Jooheon who by now was trembling badly because the lights kept flickering on and off. Changkyun knew that the boy got easily scared. 

“This is for tripping me you bastard!” growled Changkyun knowing that the other couldn’t hear him anyway but it felt good to say it out loud. He grabbed Jooheon by his hair and twisted it roughly. After that he punched him in his ribs and pushed him on the floor. Jooheon screamed causing everyone in the hospital to look at him. Kihyun reached out to help pull him up but Changkyun slapped his hand away.

“And you’re not off the hook you midget!” snarled Changkyun and body slammed Kihyun to the ground. He then returned the vocal a favor by punching him repeatedly like he did on the night that Changkyun committed suicide. 

By now the whole entire lobby of the hospital was in an uproar because two people just got hurt by something that they couldn’t see. Changkyun knew that things were getting out of hands, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to beat them like they did to him. 

“Changkyun stop! Please stop! If you keep this up your soul is going to become dark and their going to come and take you away” said Sejun trying to hold back Changkyun as he still tried to deliver punches to Kihyun’s face. 

“Who will?”

“The reapers. They are a group of evil spirits that feed off other spirits dark energies. If you keep this up they will come and snatch you away and drag you down to the pits of hell. You will never return and get to finish your mission”

That snapped Changkyun back to reality and he moved away from Kihyun like he was an infectious disease. He could feel his anger slowly vanish as he looked at his members who stared in horror at what happened to Jooheon and Kihyun. 

“What did I just do?” he said staring at his fist that amazingly enough was starting to bruise. 

“Oh Changkyun” said Sejun bringing him into a tight hug.

“I’m turning into a monster” he whined. “I hurt them because I wanted them for once to feel my pain. To understand what I went through but now I just made myself look bad. It’s a good thing that they can’t see me” Changkyun finished crying into Sejun’s shoulder. 

He was about to ask him if they could leave when a familiar voice spoke.

“Changkyun?” 

It was Hyungwon and the older was looking at him right dead in the eyes.


	3. Hyungwon's apology

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah it's been a little since I've last updated.   
> I'm sorry but I'm kind of going through some things now but I'm feeling a little better.  
> I hope you like the chapter! <3

Every part of Changkyun’s being froze at the mention of his name by his former member. He was positive that he was just imaging it. He forced himself to calm down by clutching onto Sejun’s hand. But the other boy let him go and gave him a look that made him want to simply vanish. It was a look that clearly said, ‘stop running from your problems and face this situation now’. Changkyun gulped praying that this was just some sick joke. But it wasn’t. 

“Changkyun” said Hyungwon again and this time he branched further away from his members who gave him an incredulous look. 

“Who are you talking to, Hyungwon?” asked Wonho trying to place a comforting hand on his friend but he shrugged him away. 

“Can’t you guys see? It’s Changkyun he’s standing in front of us. He was the one who beat the shit out of Kihyun and Jooheon” the pouty lipped boy answered. 

At this new-found information everyone grew silent and stared dumfounded at Hyungwon. For a fleeting moment, Changkyun had felt sympathy for the other boy because the more he talked the crazier he seemed to his members. If he kept talking like this then he was going to earn him a one-way ticket to the looney bin. 

“Don’t tell the others that you can see me” said Changkyun. “It will only make matters worse for you”

“But how come I can see you and the others can’t?” questioned Hyungwon confused.

“Ok Hyungwonnie you’re scaring me” revealed Jooheon wincing in pain at his bruises and giving his hyung an incredulous look along with the others. 

Sighing, Changkyun shook his head at Hyungwon signaling him to be quiet. Luckily, he obeyed his silent order and he sheepishly turned to his group.

“I’m sorry guys for being weird. I think I just need to head back to the dorm, so I can get some sleep” he lied, and everyone brought it.

“I agree with Hyungwon let’s head back to the dorm it has been a long day” said the manager tugging the boys along and bidding the doctor farewell. They will prepare for Changkyun’s body another time. 

Sejun and Changkyun followed the others back to the dorm. Once there, Hyungwon motioned for Changkyun to follow him to the bathroom where he closed and locked the door behind them. Now that they were finally alone together Changkyun had a lot of shit to say to Hyungwon, but the other boy had beat him to it.

“What’s going on? Why are you here? Why did you hurt Kihyun and Jooheon?” he started his questions off with spit fire and it was enough to make Changkyun roll his eyes in annoyance. This was the last thing he wanted to be doing. He didn’t want to even talk to Hyungwon, but he must if he wants to successfully complete his mission. 

“The reason I’m here is because I can’t enter heaven. My animosity towards you guys is holding me back and preventing me access. So, I’m here to receive an apology. I hurt Kihyun and Jooheon to give them a little payback for what they did to me when I was alive. Which reminds me” trailed Changkyun and he reached out to uppercut Hyungwon square in his jaw. 

The tall and lanky man flew back a little bit hitting the curtains to the shower. He then groaned in pain and spat out a tooth with some blood. Sejun roughly tugged Changkyun’s arm causing him to let out a needy whine.

“Aish what was that for?” 

“I told you to be careful the reapers can come at any minute to claim you if you keep this up. You need to focus on the mission and put your feelings aside” said Sejun. 

“But I can’t do that. The bastard deserved that punch and many more. They treated me like absolute shit and for once I’m standing up to them by giving them a taste of their own medicine”

“He’s right you know” muttered Hyungwon to Sejun.

He was trying to recover from Changkyun’s punch by standing up straight and wiping the blood from his mouth. 

“We all treated him like crap especially me. I called him names and ridiculed his appearance countless times. I kept criticizing your acne and scars and for that I’m deeply sorry, Changkyun I’m really am” 

“Ask him the question” said Sejun quickly to Changkyun who only stared confused.

“Huh?”

“Remember what I’ve told you? Asked the question” Sejun repeated and then it all clicked for Changkyun. 

“Hyung, can you feel it?” came Changkyun’s small and nervous voice.

“Feel what?” Hyungwon asked and quirked his brow baffled.

“Can’t you feel my heart?” Changkyun said and secretly crossed his fingers.

If he said yes, then that means that is apology was sincere and Changkyun could forgive him. He watched as Hyungwon twisted his expression with extreme concentration as he tried to feel what Changkyun just asked him. 

Seconds ticked by and it turned into minutes causing Changkyun to grow even more nervous. He was relieved when Hyungwon spoke again.

“Yes, I-I think I do” he breathed in amazement and Changkyun felt it too for a glimpse of a second.

His own heartbeat. 

It was there and then it was gone as fast as it had come. 

“Thank you, hyung”

“Is this the last time that I’m going to see you again?” asked Hyungwon sadly and Changkyun slowly nodded his head.

“Yes, it is”

“Well I guess it is a final goodbye dongsaeng” he says opening his arms and pulling the younger boy into a tight hug. Changkyun was startled because this was the first touch that Hyungwon has ever initiated with him before. He wasn’t used to being enveloped by his long and skinny arms. His cologne smelled nice and Changkyun secretly savored the scent.   
He was going to miss him. It was ashamed that it took his death to bring them closer together. 

“Goodbye hyung and live the rest of your life with no regrets ok?”

“Okay”

And with that Sejun and Changkyun moved along.

They now had five more to go.


End file.
